My daughter’s stomping footsteps echoed through our row house as she pounded up the stairs. She was angry that I hadn’t ruled in her favor when I intervened during a dispute between her and her younger brother. So she got mad, and put all of her maybe 35 pounds into expressing it with every step. I hadn’t sent my daughter to her room, but I was glad she took the tantrum elsewhere.
She reappeared downstairs a few minutes later, and she wasn’t stomping or screaming. She was smiling! I must have looked puzzled at her abrupt change in mood, because she offered an explanation.
“I went upstairs and did The Star,” she said.
The Star…?
“It’s a breathing technique. I did The Star and I feel better now. “
My daughter got angry, went to a safe place, calmed herself down with mindful breathing and came back ready to start over. And I had nothing to do with any of it. I was stunned.
She reappeared downstairs a few minutes later, and she wasn’t stomping or screaming. She was smiling! I must have looked puzzled at her abrupt change in mood, because she offered an explanation.
“I went upstairs and did The Star,” she said.
The Star…?
“It’s a breathing technique. I did The Star and I feel better now. “
My daughter got angry, went to a safe place, calmed herself down with mindful breathing and came back ready to start over. And I had nothing to do with any of it. I was stunned.
Langley Elementary is rolling out a new emotional intelligence program called Conscious Discipline. Conscious Discipline aims to gives children and adults the tools they need to remain in their executive brain state (the one that makes good decisions) when faced with something that upsets them. It is a shift from the traditional compliance-based model of discipline to one that is based on relationships.
After seeing the benefit of this program in my own home, my daughter’s self-regulation, I was really interested. A recent morning after dropping her off, I heard that students in preschool through first-grade would be practicing their emotional skills during an assembly – so I stuck around to watch.
After seeing the benefit of this program in my own home, my daughter’s self-regulation, I was really interested. A recent morning after dropping her off, I heard that students in preschool through first-grade would be practicing their emotional skills during an assembly – so I stuck around to watch.
Behavior Specialist Monique Robinson kicked-off the assembly with a unifying activity: singing and clapping along to the school song, “We are Family.” And they got into it – there were teachers dancing in the aisles and kids trying to breakdance. It was amazing. Then Ms. Robinson gave the students a moment to greet each other in their preferred style – some gave big hugs, others high-fives and fist bumps.
Then Ms. Robinson called on students and teachers who wanted to give someone a shout-out. A pre-K-4 boy got it rolling by giving himself a shout-out for not being afraid of dragons. My daughter got a shout-out for being a good friend, and a teacher gave one to another for being there for her during a difficult time. I’ve never been to a school assembly that felt so warm.
Then Ms. Robinson called on students and teachers who wanted to give someone a shout-out. A pre-K-4 boy got it rolling by giving himself a shout-out for not being afraid of dragons. My daughter got a shout-out for being a good friend, and a teacher gave one to another for being there for her during a difficult time. I’ve never been to a school assembly that felt so warm.
Ms. Robinson called a group of students up to the auditorium stage to lead a demonstration of the calming breathing techniques. “But,” she said, “It doesn’t always feel safe to be in front of a big group of people, so first let’s wish them well.” I had heard about well-wishing before. My daughter said when students are absent from class, the present students take a moment to think positive thoughts and hope for their quick return.
After positive vibes were sent, the children called up on stage lead the group in practicing the four breathing techniques: S.T.A.R., Balloon, Pretzel and Drain. The kids in the audience enthusiastically followed along.
After positive vibes were sent, the children called up on stage lead the group in practicing the four breathing techniques: S.T.A.R., Balloon, Pretzel and Drain. The kids in the audience enthusiastically followed along.
When I picked up my daughter from school later that day I noticed that her classroom now housed a cozy nook called the Safety Zone, and the kids had made pictures of situations that were opportunities for them to seek a safe place to calm down. Not surprisingly, my daughter said she would use it when, “My little brother bites me on the back.”
My daughter is coming home from school each day, able to count, read and write more skillfully. And she’s coming home a better, more empathetic friend, a child with increased ability to face and overcome conflict and upset and a member of a community that values and wishes all its members well.
By Dawn Madura
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